Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
