i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
