All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize