i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
