hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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