Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
