I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
