I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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