i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize