Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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