I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
