there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
