I'm eating all of the evidence.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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