and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So squirting runs in the family.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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