CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
