and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
