Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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