I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
