He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
