I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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