are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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