I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
