Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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