and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize