look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize