Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
