Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
