i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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