took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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