I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
