The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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