PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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