i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
