We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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