nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
