So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
