Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize