I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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