thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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