Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
