she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
