I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
