I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
