Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
