Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
