i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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