Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
