Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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