I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? Thatβs who I m voting for
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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