i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
