So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
