he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
