my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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