My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
