his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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