i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
