I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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