i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
