yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
