Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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