proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
