There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
