the condom got lost in my hair
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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