ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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