Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
