Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
