His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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