So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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