go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
